A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes
Langston Hughes homepage
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Could you improve this poem?
If I asked you to subtract one word that would make the poem better what word would that be?
If I asked you to add two lines to this poem to improve it what would you add? Where would you put these two lines exactly?
If I asked you to change three words in this poem to make it better what words would you change? And what would be your replacement words?
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Yes I can improve this poem. If I can substract one word it would be "deferred". I would also change "rotten" to decomposed.
ReplyDeleteI THINK THIS POEM IS FINE HOW IT IS. I WOULD TAKE OUT THE WORD SORE.I WOULS ADD THE LINES DOES IT COLAPSE OR RELAPSE. I WOULD PUT IT RIGHT AFTER WHAT HAPPENDS TO A DREAM DEFERRED? I WOULD CHANGE THE WORDS ROTTEN MEAT SAGS AND HEAVY LOAD. STINKY MEAT AND HEAVY WEIGHT.
ReplyDeleteNo I will not change any words of this poem. It is a good poem how it is now and i like it
ReplyDeleteyes you can improve this poem. i would subtract "deffered". i would change "rotten" to decompost,"deferred" to overdue, and the last one would be "fester" to rankle.
ReplyDeleteI think i could improve on this poem. I would take out deferred from the first part. I would add , " Would it chase the light . Or make a fight ? " before , " Maybe it just sags
ReplyDeletelike a heavy load " . I would change , " Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode? " to Maybe it just go around and explore or invite many more ".
its good as it is but i would make it longer. longer as in each of the lines and with more description i would also change the words explode and deferred
ReplyDeletei dont think you can "improve" a poem. it was his work and it seems good to me. It was how he wanted it. But i can probably come up with a better poem
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteNone of then
To make mold of doubt for your own drought
At the end
None of them
None
i think i would sudtract the word "sags", the two lines that i would put would be dream up a grat fantasy; just like a beautiful diasy, sags to leap, deffered to door, and over to sour.
ReplyDeletei think its fine the way it is i love this poem its funny and it makes sense i would maybe change the word rotten meat and maybe sags and kind of put something interesting!!
ReplyDeletei think you could improve this poem . the word would be fester. maybe it just sags like some heavy bags.8 line . i would remove load , suger,rotten.i would insert honey for sugar decayed for rotten, and cargo for load .
ReplyDeleteI THINK THIS POEM CAN BE IMPROVED BECAUSE ITS NOT VERY LONG. I WOULD SUBTRACT THE WORD"OVER", BECAUSE THAT LINE RHYMES BETTER WITHOUT OVER.
ReplyDeleteI think this poem is okay how it is, I think the only word needed to be taking out is deffered.
ReplyDeleteso bascially i think that he sayin if you give something time you never know if its going to be good or bad nun of dat so yu bascially taken chances at life
ReplyDelete